(This article appeared in the June 2006 edition of the Parish Magazine)
I’m preparing for the funeral of Doris Bemrose, who was a member of St Paul’s from 1989 when she moved into the nearby retirement flats until frailty led her to move into a residential home. I never knew Doris in her churchgoing days but, by all accounts, she was a very committed member. I’ve heard how she’d generously give lifts to people who couldn’t walk to church and how she used her organising skills to arrange the bible readers’ rota.
As Doris’ daughters described their mother’s background in rural Lincolnshire and Norfolk, I realised that the kind of churches she knew for most of her life were quite unlike the style of worship at St Paul’s. But for Doris, the matter was straightforward – St Paul’s was her church and she would not only attend but she would give generously of herself to the church community and beyond. No wonder she is fondly remembered.
Doris’ story offers us a perspective on the question of ‘choosing the right church’.
In our contemporary culture, personal choice is now enshrined as a guiding principle in public policy, as well as a way to a ‘lifestyle’ and the means of selecting goods and services. In this uncritical adoption of the logic of the market, personal choice is assumed to be both a basic human right and the way individuals can define their identity. But is it right to adopt a similar consumerist mindset to the question of choosing a church?
If it is, then I can offer you a checklist of the sort of things you might want to consider, in making your choice:
- Choose a church that caters especially for people like you. Chances are, you’ll like the people there and have similar interests and outlook. You won’t have to try too hard to understand the values and experiences of other people, because these will be reassuringly familiar.
- Choose a church in which the worship style exactly fits your personality and taste. You’ll never find yourself singing anything you don’t enjoy.
- Choose a church where the minister’s style is entertaining and engaging. Over a year, you’ll be spending many precious hours listening to sermons, so find a preacher who’ll ‘push your buttons’ and reassure you in your beliefs.
- Choose a church not too close to home, so that you can put a safe distance between your private life and your church life. Keep yourself to yourself – pleasant chit-chat after the service is fine, but don’t get drawn into networks and relationships that might mean getting too involved.
- Choose a church that reminds you that although the world can be scary and bewildering, there’ll always be a place that’s just right for you, safe from challenge and uncertainty.
- Choose a church where you can dip in and out, turning up when you feel like it and not making any substantial contribution to anything that ‘isn’t your thing’. Be a passenger, be entertained, and be reassured.
Do I believe this is the right approach? Of course not! There’s an old adage that you’ll never find the perfect church, and that even if you do, it won’t be perfect after you join.
Sadly, there are signs in our country that this kind of church-choosing is becoming more prevalent, with all the fracturing of real community that involves. Some churches are responding by deliberately appealing to one age-group, one socio-economic profile, or one kind of worship-style. I believe this kind of mono-cultural church is inevitably introspective, passive and disconnected from the world.
Paul’s letter to the Galatians includes an appeal for Christians to be forbearing towards one another. Paul’s vision is for much more than a pleasant experience of church – he has been gripped by a vision of the fullness of God’s mission for the world. The post-Pentecost church is to be a place of the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Not because these virtues deliver a nice experience for those who belong, but because these God-given characteristics are vital in a community where compromise, disappointment and the messiness of failed human relationships are unavoidable.
So may I offer you another kind of checklist:
- Belong to a church in which God is regularly encountered and where his presence is recognised. Look out for celebrations of God’s grace in the everyday living of the community as well as in the mysteries of worship in spirit and truth.
- Belong to a church where people are not all like you. And expect to learn from the youngest, the oldest, the poorest, the visitor and the long-standing member. Listen to their stories with respect and share your story too, for the same God loves you all.
- Belong to a church where God will reveal himself through unfamiliar worship, songs, music, and architecture as well as through the things you love. Sound doctrine is not the property of one tradition alone but God’s truth expressed in love is a treasure surpassing any matter of style.
- Belong to a church in which you will be transformed by grace and called upon to risk and adventure for the sake of the Kingdom of God, where the Holy Spirit gifts you and God calls you out of your comfort zone.
- Belong to a church where growth occurs not because of stunts or tricks but because lives are given to God and discipleship deepens.
- Belong to a church where you will be forgiven and where forgiveness will be asked of you, where you will learn how to receive as well as how to give, where your failures will be occasions for redemption, where relationships will be broken and healed, where you will experience the sorrows and the joys that come with hopeful and honest community life.
- Belong to a church where you risk being known as you truly are, not as the mask you put on until you get back in the car to drive home.
- Belong to a church where the Lordship of the crucified, risen and ascended Jesus Christ is more than a slogan, where courage is needed to live a life charged with possibility and where people and communities are transformed.
I won’t be surprised if the church you belong to now doesn’t exactly fit this second list. After all, this is the real world and even the early churches of the New Testament struggled to make progress. But the advice that comes from St Paul and other apostles is not to withdraw and try to find somewhere ‘better’. Instead, we are to be the people who are becoming the Church that God wants.
In this, people like Doris have set us an example of generosity and maturity. Let’s do likewise.
Simon Harvey
